So, we all know that marriage is not easy! It takes about 10 minutes for the euphoria to wear off, and after that it is hard work. So what can you and I do to help us strengthen our marriages before there is a major conflict, rather than waiting for World War 3 to start fixing things in the most important relationship you have with another human being?
These 10 things come from a great resource called All Pro Dad, and guys if you are not signed up to get their daily emails to help you be a better husband and father ... do it now! (your wife and kids will thank you for it :-)
#1 Always put your spouse first: This is a HUGE principle and key to reducing relationship stress. Ideally, husband and wife both put the other first. But the only aspect you can control is you.
#2 Have fun together: Movies, walks, picnics, games, trips etc. Not just fun but hilarity. Laughing together is great relationship medicine.
#3 Build “together time” into your schedule: Stop awarding “Time with your spouse” the status of leftovers! Your relationship is more important than any other priority on any kind of schedule. If that means scrawling “Relax together” on the calendar in indelible marker, then so be it!
#4 Don’t sweat the small stuff: When you feel stress coming on, ask this question, “Is this a moral issue?” If not – and nine times out of ten the issue in question is not, then let it go. Talk together about your priorities, constantly. Remind yourselves what really counts. Simplify your lifestyle. Celebrate what you have.
#5 Give back, and do it together: Work at the soup kitchen; volunteer with a faith-based community; hook up with a group that helps the less fortunate or restores the environment. Throw yourselves into charitable causes, together, and watch things fall into perspective.
#6 Communicate clearly and respectfully: Misunderstandings are responsible for a lot of tension. Always keep your spouse in the loop and always communicate with love and good manners.
#7 Tell the truth: The aphorism goes like this – when you tell the truth you don’t have to remember what you said the last time. People who don’t keep secrets experience less stress in relationships.
#8 Hold hands; hug; make out! Physical contact is a proven stress reliever. Squeeze onto the same chair to watch TV – just hang all over one-another. Reach out and take your spouse’s hand while walking, driving, or at an event. Be deliberate about demonstrating affection via physical contact.
#9 Play to your strengths – and hers: Effective teachers use students’ strengths to overcome weakness – it simply works better than focusing on the negative. Pay attention to your spouse’s strengths - build up, affirm, encourage. Criticism always leads to more stress.
#10 Live within your means: Money problems are the leading cause of stress in American marriages. Work this one out. Take preventative measures. Remember (#4-Don’t sweat the small stuff)? It turns out most of the stuff we get into debt over is not worth the stress.
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
1 Peter 1:3-5
You know those moments when you have done your best to say or do something and someone comes along behind you and does it so much better and makes it look really easy? Yeah, that just happened to me. We have been going thru this study on 1 & 2 Peter and I spoke this Sunday about the "inheritance that is imperishable, undefiled and unfading, kept in heaven for those who believe" that Peter talks about in vs. 3-5.
Then I read the post from a pastor at Matt Chandler's church (a 35 year old pastor with brain cancer) and thought, "Man! I should have just read his 5 minute thing instead of talking for 45 minutes!" {and everyone at EWC said "Amen!"} So here it is ....
All of my life I have wanted to be successful. The idea of success has driven me most of my days and the fear of not being successful has kept me on course as well. As I reflect on this, I find it interesting that not much has changed for me personally. I still desire success, but my definition of “success” has shifted drastically. Growing up in the thriving and prosperous suburb of Plano the mantra and allure of success was all around me.
Success equated to the various status symbols of the “American Dream”: expensive cars, expansive homes, exotic vacations and exclusive lives. The greater cultural system reinforced what most families modeled, and we were all competing for ways to get a slice of pie. The proverbial “Jones’” kept everyone running at breakneck speed and leaving carnage in our wake; people became a means to an end as “success” was the idol we chased. This is not isolated to Plano or the Dallas metroplex per se; rather, this ethos permeates the ghetto as much as Rodeo Drive. It is American to the core.
A biblically informed definition of success has almost nothing to do with the acquisition of material things or the achievement of personal comfort. Success for the believer is defined in relationship to Jesus Christ and His mission. Christ came to seek and save that which was lost; He calls a people unto Himself. We were once far off and have now been brought near through the blood of Christ. He creates a new humanity with transformed perspectives and ambitions.
The death and resurrection of Christ and the overall mission of God in the world now defines what success looks like for the believer and the Church. Simplistically, a believer’s desire for success should be in accordance with Romans 12:1-2. Do I look like the Savior? Have I been transformed by His grace to love radically, give generously, suffer willingly, walk humbly and engage missionally? Is the fruit of God’s Spirit evident in my heart: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control (Galatians 5:22).
The hope in my life is that I would be successful, but success has been redefined as I have been transformed. Now, a prosperous life means an endowment of Christ-saturated thoughts, relationships and actions; not a certain tax bracket or health. Conformity to the image of Christ compels me rather than the creaturely comforts of a fading glory (2 Corinthians 5:14). The success I am now pursuing is not elusive; rather, it is eternally mine because it has been purchased by the sufficient blood of Christ and secured by the seal of the Holy Spirit (Ephesians 1:7,14). The “American Dream” is a cheap substitute compared to the rich treasure of knowing Christ (Philippians 3:7-10). The gospel reality awakens us to pleasures evermore and causes us to abandon our prior delusions of grandeur to readily accept the inheritance that is imperishable, undefiled and unfading, kept in heaven for those who believe. (1 Peter 1:3-5).
Can I really be called a “success” if I waste my life chasing the wind? Maybe, but then I would also have to be called a “fool” as well.
Then I read the post from a pastor at Matt Chandler's church (a 35 year old pastor with brain cancer) and thought, "Man! I should have just read his 5 minute thing instead of talking for 45 minutes!" {and everyone at EWC said "Amen!"} So here it is ....
All of my life I have wanted to be successful. The idea of success has driven me most of my days and the fear of not being successful has kept me on course as well. As I reflect on this, I find it interesting that not much has changed for me personally. I still desire success, but my definition of “success” has shifted drastically. Growing up in the thriving and prosperous suburb of Plano the mantra and allure of success was all around me.
Success equated to the various status symbols of the “American Dream”: expensive cars, expansive homes, exotic vacations and exclusive lives. The greater cultural system reinforced what most families modeled, and we were all competing for ways to get a slice of pie. The proverbial “Jones’” kept everyone running at breakneck speed and leaving carnage in our wake; people became a means to an end as “success” was the idol we chased. This is not isolated to Plano or the Dallas metroplex per se; rather, this ethos permeates the ghetto as much as Rodeo Drive. It is American to the core.
A biblically informed definition of success has almost nothing to do with the acquisition of material things or the achievement of personal comfort. Success for the believer is defined in relationship to Jesus Christ and His mission. Christ came to seek and save that which was lost; He calls a people unto Himself. We were once far off and have now been brought near through the blood of Christ. He creates a new humanity with transformed perspectives and ambitions.
The death and resurrection of Christ and the overall mission of God in the world now defines what success looks like for the believer and the Church. Simplistically, a believer’s desire for success should be in accordance with Romans 12:1-2. Do I look like the Savior? Have I been transformed by His grace to love radically, give generously, suffer willingly, walk humbly and engage missionally? Is the fruit of God’s Spirit evident in my heart: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control (Galatians 5:22).
The hope in my life is that I would be successful, but success has been redefined as I have been transformed. Now, a prosperous life means an endowment of Christ-saturated thoughts, relationships and actions; not a certain tax bracket or health. Conformity to the image of Christ compels me rather than the creaturely comforts of a fading glory (2 Corinthians 5:14). The success I am now pursuing is not elusive; rather, it is eternally mine because it has been purchased by the sufficient blood of Christ and secured by the seal of the Holy Spirit (Ephesians 1:7,14). The “American Dream” is a cheap substitute compared to the rich treasure of knowing Christ (Philippians 3:7-10). The gospel reality awakens us to pleasures evermore and causes us to abandon our prior delusions of grandeur to readily accept the inheritance that is imperishable, undefiled and unfading, kept in heaven for those who believe. (1 Peter 1:3-5).
Can I really be called a “success” if I waste my life chasing the wind? Maybe, but then I would also have to be called a “fool” as well.
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